13hell0kittiekd

Years later here i am I feel like I'm worse Worse than the last time i ever wrote Why? Is my life that bad? am i that awful? Was i that awful back then? NO? my life shouldn't feel so bad... Right..? But why does it? why did it feel bad before? Why did I feel so bad back then..? I looked better then than now not only was i skinny but my smile Seemed bigger maybe that is the lie tho The lie i tell myself.... and others was i happier? then? NO. I was more miserable but Maybe i wasn't.. Maybe i just... I just... Hid it better back then? maybe but i don't actually know Should i feel so miserable right now? Nah probably not But I do anyway. Maybe

How do I feel? So you want to know? What is this doing to me? How is this effecting me? You really want to know? It's killing me It's eating me Eating me from the inside out The guilt I feel for What I'VE done The pain I feel from What YOU have done But the fault is my own.. Right? I'll take the blame But I still feel as if you should know.. That I still am Hurt I still am Scared I still am Untrusting ... I'm starting to feel numb This brings me back to the Worst days again The dark days Where the Crimson would flow. Flow like a beautiful stream. It's not the same anymore though It's almost worse Because I should've learned I s

I haven't written in a while.. That's when you know it's bad I can't write well I know But It helps When I'm so far gone I've lost myself Who am I? What happened to me? Am I supposed to be here? Where did I go so wrong? How did I end up like this? Again. The pain reaches so deep Into the core. I am only human I make mistakes I make them over and over ...and over again. When will I learn? Am I selfish? Or Am I selfless? Can somebody help me? Please... I'm drowning in my own tears I did this to myself This is my mess up to deal with Clean up baby girl Everything will be okay. You will find yourself again You will be okay again One day You